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Anyways. Two months since I’ve been off of accutane. I’m not wearing any makeup. And I want to cry. This stuff if a miracle and I didn’t think I’d ever have a face not covered in red cysts and acne spots. I of course have a billion scares but this can easily be covered with makeup and isn’t so terrible compared to the skin I once had.
Thank you everyone for being alive. I love you so.

Anyways. Two months since I’ve been off of accutane. I’m not wearing any makeup. And I want to cry. This stuff if a miracle and I didn’t think I’d ever have a face not covered in red cysts and acne spots. I of course have a billion scares but this can easily be covered with makeup and isn’t so terrible compared to the skin I once had.
Thank you everyone for being alive. I love you so.

Some before and after. The lighting is kind of orangey but you get the idea. It’s hard to see but there is still slight redness and major scarring that I know won’t go away, but the worst of it seems to be gone for now.
With makeup obviously. And an obvious blemish that won’t go away. Off accutane for a month. And please excuse the frizzy blonde as I’m in the process of becoming a Lavender Lady. Buhblah.

Coffee in the morn

I’ve been off of accutane for a month now.
My skin has returned to being a somewhat annoying oily thing. Complexion is a red splotchy again. One huge blemish on my left cheek that has been with me for about two weeks and won’t go away.
So far(knock on wood or do whatever superstitious counter curse you believe in) I haven’t broken out anywhere else.
I don’t know why my side effects weren’t bad except for in the very beginning when I had constant bloody noses, and my fingernails were sore and seemed to be disconnecting from my fingertips(ha?) I’d like to go onto accutane again because I am scared. I’ll be off my parents insurance plan come the end of April(happy birthday, Ashley) and don’t know how I’d be able to afford it.
I cry when I imagine my skin going back to that. The confidence I’ve found with the help of accutane (many other things have been at play since then, but this is what keeps me strong) is something I couldn’t even begin to put a value on.

More soon.
I neglect this blog all too often. I’m not even sure what it’s for anymore.

Anonymous said: You're very beautiful. Don't let a scar define you.

Thank you very much, anon. I am slowly learning to overcome these issues and am trying with all my might to be as kind to myself as I am to any other person. I’ve found that this is the beginning to remedying myself.
This was very nice to wake up to.

Goin back to my roots! I can’t really find a clearer picture of my skin currently. I think I’m on month 6 of claravis. I don’t know what brought me to look over these jumbled pages again but I think I almost cried. I haven’t been feeling that happy with my skin. There’s still an uneven tone and redness and deep scarring. But I haven’t really even paid attention to the fact that the goddamn acne is goddamn gone and this is a miracle and I can’t believe this. I have a newfound confidence and a friend told me that someone actually referred to me as “the tall pretty one” instead of just “the tall one” as it’s always been before. It’s unfortunate that beauty would rest in such a thing but we live in a world where we’ve been given these fleshy tombs to decorate and care for.
My last month is next month. I don’t want to get off it. I’m scared it will come back. But for now, I am so very grateful.

Day 51

Several weird little side effects… Constant minor bloody nose (always have dried blood in my nose), extremely sensitive skin(the skin on my hands is COVERED in cuts) the skin beneath my right middle finger keeps bleeding and I think is unattached?, the skin on the corners of my mouth and around where my piercing on my nose is is extremely extremely dry and cracked…

I’m just grateful I haven’t had any noticeable psychological side effects yet, as I was almost positive that would happen.

It’s not so oily anymore. And I have that much to be grateful for. I’ve never let fingers brush against my skin for how disgusting I felt with all that oil and grease and slime.

My skin is still really red and discolored and has underlying cysts but overall I can feel that it’s diminishing and I am very pleased.

Day 22
No makeup.
Redness going down. My face is actually drying up so that its not a oily greasy mess 2 hours after applying makeup and I am SO HAPPY about that. I almost feel lovely.
Been trying to drink a lot of green tea and I believe I’m going to go 95% raw vegan soon.
I’m going to try to run/walk every morning and love myself so very much that I can’t help but glow and be a bright cosmic embodiment of love and life.

Day 22
No makeup.
Redness going down. My face is actually drying up so that its not a oily greasy mess 2 hours after applying makeup and I am SO HAPPY about that. I almost feel lovely.
Been trying to drink a lot of green tea and I believe I’m going to go 95% raw vegan soon.
I’m going to try to run/walk every morning and love myself so very much that I can’t help but glow and be a bright cosmic embodiment of love and life.

Anonymous said: What type of makeup do you use? It looks really good!

I juuuuuuuust started using Smashbox Photo Finish color correcting foundation primer and Smashbox Photo Set pressed powder. They’re a bit costly, but very much worth it!

Anonymous said: Hey I just met you.... and this is crazy haha, I was going to tell you how pretty you are and that I'm impatient to see how you get even prettier when you're off Claravis, and then wth, your description says you think you're the ugliest girl?!!?!?! come on! really!

Welllll, that was a bit of a bold statement for me to make. But it’s more comforting thinking that no one else thinks of themselves any worse than you do. That’s for sure.

Thank you for saying so. I’m struggling every day with finding self love. I’ve been trying to think more positively about myself and I think I’m much further than I was a year ago today.

I can’t wait to see what I look like when I’m off the Claravis too. Here’s to hoping for the best!

Anonymous said: Hi (: I just wanted to say that I am on the same boat as you (though I'm not on Accutane). It's such a struggle.I can't even go outside to the grocery store without a face full of make up cause im so embarrassed of my natural skin. I just wanted to give you some tips. Drink a bunch of green tea (3 cups a day). Drink plenty of water (2 liters a day). Put on raw aloe vera gel. steam your face regularly! Even though I still have plenty of acne, this helped me get rid of A LOT of acne. Good luck! :)

I’m going to have to try this out. Good thing I love tea oh so much. I haven’t been drinking as much of it as I would like to though. Now I have a good reason!

Thank you for the tips!

And with makeup.
Hurrah it looks like I have herpies!

And with makeup.
Hurrah it looks like I have herpies!

Anonymous said: Random but your eyebrows are on point, love them! lol

Oh, why thank you! My eyebrows are always something I’m overly concerned about, so that’s nice to hear.
Read.
Thank you!

Here’s day 11 for ya.
It looks far worse than it did before I started accutane. Can’t wait for the oiliness to go away.
Thank goodness for makeup or Disney would probably fire me!
Oh patience patience.

Here’s day 11 for ya.
It looks far worse than it did before I started accutane. Can’t wait for the oiliness to go away.
Thank goodness for makeup or Disney would probably fire me!
Oh patience patience.

Day 10

I should have probably posted a picture/pictures on the very first day to document this in a more substantial way. I will post pictures soon. I just don’t like where my face is going day by day.

Nothing is different. It’s getting worse, obviously. A lot of itchyness and flakiness on my chin area. Lips are SUPER dry. It’s driving me crazy.

I ended up catching bronchitis. Again, I don’t know if this is due to the accutane or not. All I can say is that I haven’t been this sick in a very very very very very very very long time.

It’s only day 10. Here’s to hoping for better results.

To all others on accutane: stay strong and positive!

yazzoe said: im asking because I use to have severe acne i now work with a company called angelissima and if you lived in nyc I would have given you a free facial because that is the reasonwhy I have no more acne. :)

Ohhhhh that is most unfortunate! That we are on opposite sides of the country, that is. Well, I guess I’ll have to let you know if I’m ever in the area. Though I hope by that time that the accutane will have made this all disappear. Thank you though!